Вопль о помощи! Срочно!

[Lynx]

My wine is mixed up with rejoice and pleasure,
With meadow dew and maple juice abound.
I added poison then into this world of leisure
To recollect those sad and long forgotten years.

No more the heart of mine would beat in languor,
No longer would cry out for desire and love.
It would just echo the scream of grief and anger
And beat the pulse in silence from above.

Don’t seek the Moon, for hell of other nonsense
In my sweet wine, don’t judge it that strict way.
‘Tis of the bowl of God, my wine’s essence,
‘Tis splashing in the light of heavenly bay.

==========================

In dying twilight there’s a candle burning,
It’s rustling in the dumbness of the night.
The dogs are bored to death, and they’re howling
And barking, swearing the sky in fright.

The night’s an old hag, it’s haunting like a ghost,
The moon’s a lantern twinkling in her hands.
The sky is overclouded with dim hosts
Of shadows wet throughout in those rainy lands.

And no one sees that time is also lonely
When days are passing, either quick or slow,
And lead us to the threshold one and only
Left in the end – the grave all covered with snow.

================================

I like being sad from time to time,
I also like these lonely birch-trees,
I like your eyes turned to the rhyme,
I like gray autumn days and leaves,

Falling so fast… - the days will follow
Their gloomy way of no return…
I like the dreams being left unsaid like sorrow,
Being hidden deep inside and being burnt.

I like to love, I like it so much!
I like to love you, only you, my dear.
I like to give, to give out touch by touch
Myself to you. I like being near.

I really like being sad at dawn
While sitting by the river or lake,
And howling like a wolf, forlorn
And wild, with heart awake.

And I enjoy watching the storm
With thunder, lightning, heavy rain.
I like the morning dew, the warmth,
And singing of the nightingale.

========================


My autumn, you were like a dove with grey wings,
You took me far up to the heaven of dreams,
You charmed me, beckoned me, you made me think over
My sorrows and fantasies, weakness and power.

I’m grateful, my autumn, for all that you’ve done,
For all that you’ve righteously made in your right.
I appreciate it, although I’m numb
Of sadness, for you, dear, show not, for you hide.


==================================


My mind, bent down in low spirits,
Went searching through the virgin lands
For the transfiguration cross; ‘twas hidden
In darkness of the empty fuss.

In vain ‘twas searching, like a blind man
Who walked and walked among the rocks.
It searched so long, it prayed so kindly,
So tenderly to Father of flocks.

Oh hope of mine, please, do not leave me!
Oh God, my Father, leave me not!
I sinned, I couldn’t but sin, forgive me.
Forgive for when I wasn’t right.

I lost all my that made me happy,
I lost my crown confined to grief.
There comes a day of gloomy napping,
Of dying light, of butcher and thief.

I will be sentenced in the dawn
To death. For all the evil I’ve done.
And I will pay for all my wrong,
For being to You a prodigal son.

My mind would stop it’s lonely brooding,
My eyes would close among the shades,
My heart would open not secluded,
My mouth would utter: “end my days! ”.

Caressing sadness covers me softly,
It shuts the door for once and for all.
It cries and howls, it whispers to me
Of past, of memories to where I slowly fall.

===============================




Please, favour me with your sweet breath
At night, so miserly and poor.
Please, take the moon with you beneath,
Down to the Earth, with it’s pale lure.

Please, touch me with your passionate lips,
And with your long and fiery moan.
Please, make my poor heart eclipse
With timid glance of yours, as yet unknown.

And I will keep this night in mind,
I’ll cherish all my love’s torment
And that farewell to you, my friend…
Please, patient be with me and kind.

[Cutty Sark]

Ален, честно пыталась придраться к переводу, но не нашла огрех... Может, ритм кое-где сбивается, но вцелом, по-моему, хорошо!

[Lynx]

Спасибо, Катти! Еще одно...


She had it all: the tempest and the thunder,
The sunrise in her lips of thirsting love,
And stars foretelling us the future wonders,
And heaven drifting to us from above.

She had it all: lies in her gentle kisses,
And bitter truth in rich and blazing words,
She had it all: the arrow of caresses
That flying shows the way in mist of worlds.

[Lynx]

Наташ, еще раз спасибо за то, что посмотрела перевод!

[Симамура]

Рыська, я тоже ничего, кроме ритмических  шероховатостей не нашёл

[Ника]

Хм... Можно удалять?

[Cutty Sark]

Последнее тоже хорошо. Только, может, вместо wonders - wonder? Для лучшей рифмы!
Не за что!

[Ника]

Рысь, я не буду тогда ничего трогать: просто потри в своих постингах сама, что считаешь нужным скрыть от автора.

[Lynx]

Логично, Ника! Я потом просто исходники сотру. Катти, спасибо! Wonder лучше.

А вот еще одна нетленка (и еще одна на подходе)

Мне память сердца напевала,
      Восстав как призрак чувств святых,
      Встревожив душу,  в ней искала
      Любовь утраты дней моих.

      Душевной муки час свиданья
      В уединении с тобой,
      Я вас любил и вас прощаю,
      Что вы теперь уж не со мной.

      Я вас любил как небо рая
      Тонул душою в торжестве
      Часами долго умирая
      Искал я образ в сонной мгле.

      Теперь два сердца одиноких
      Безумства оборвали след,
      Оставив память в сырой ночи
      и растворенный силуэт.


I heard a song that resurrected
The ghost of memory in my heart
And that evoked my soul rejected
In those old days. Still being apart,

I recollected our meeting,
My mental anguish and my pain.
I loved you then. I now forgive you,
Though couldn’t ever love again.

I loved you more than I did Heaven,
I drowned in you, I lost my soul,
And I was dying forever and ever
For you, and left without console.

And what do we have? Our hearts are lonely,
There’s no more madness, not a sign.
I leave my memory in name only.
I leave it in the night. And sigh.

[Lynx]

 

[Cutty Sark]

В последнем на данный момент мне не очень нравится "our meeting" в смысле "свиданья", к тому же совсем не рифмуется строчка (правда, у автора она тоже не сильно рифмуется, но он явно пытался это сделать). Может, "I recollected us meeting"? или вообще поменять как-нибудь на "date"? И еще в последней строфе смею предложить такую первую строчку: "And what do we have? Two hearts so lonely" Так по ритму, вроде, лучше - ?

[Lynx]

И последнее. Всем спасибо огромное за помощь!


I want to drown my nightly recollections
Of when I met you first and of when I
Became your man under the moonlight shadows
In ecstasy and agony of lies.

I want to drown myself at the glass’s bottom,
To flood my sorrow with red domestic wine
To hear not your false deceitful trotting,
To see no more your eyes of fiery shine.

I just want to forget the minute I met you,
Your touch of spring, the very start of love.
I want to die in winter time obscure,
I want my soul to fly to heavens in above.

===========================

A little cloud dropping tears,
Breaking heart to the small pieces
Spoke of love to the earthly heaven,
And of the grain growing up to heaven
To caress and kiss the cloud.
So she suffered, cried out loud,
So she died, in true devotion
To the skies and its emotion.

[Lynx]

Two hearts so lonely - отлично просто! Спасибо, Тусь!

Meeting мне тоже как-то не очень. Но date - еще меньше. Это разговорное словечко, а еще, кажется, и американизм. Что в данном случае не катит. Но если удастся митинг поменять, я сама буду только рада.